


best kept secret/biggest mistake

by celestialsapphic (orphan_account)



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Archie Andrews/, Episode Six, F/M, Fix-It, Implied Relationships, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, archie/jughead (if u squint), compulsory heterosexuality, heads up!!, it's not exactly a positive dynamic, juggie is homo/ace in this btw, this fic has bughead in but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 14:04:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10111940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/celestialsapphic
Summary: "So he kisses her. He kisses her and feels this overwhelming sense of disappointment once it dawns upon him that he feels exactly the same; that this didn’t change anything for him."~Essentially just a bit of insight into episode seven. TW for compulsory heterosexuality and internalized homophobia! Also, i just wanted to add that although this fic contains Betty and Jughead, this isn't necessarily a 'ship' fic, in the sense that this is mainly narrative on Jughead, and the fact that their romantic dynamic in this fic isnt the greatest so (there's also some implied Archie/Jughead if you squint)!!





	

**Author's Note:**

> i just wanted to add that i drew on my experiences with compulsory heterosexuality and internalized homophobia and essentially projected them onto jug - im not claiming to write on behalf of the whole lgbt community's experiences or anything like that!! also i plan on writing this again, from Betty's point of view too!!
> 
> side note: the title is from the song Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner by Fall Out Boy

“Also-” Jughead’s voice hitched in his throat. Swallowing audibly, his eyes flitted down to her lips as he furrowed his brows in confusion. This was what Betty wanted, right? This is what was expected of him, what he was _supposed_ to do. He tried to ignore the suffocating, cloying feeling that seemed to rise up out of the pit of his stomach when he thought about kissing her. Tried to ignore the persistent niggle in the back of his mind that was screaming that something here was wrong. Tried to ignore the ever present feeling of loathing and discomfort. He just wanted things to be _normal_ between them. For a brief second, he wanted to not have to think about the way he felt so disastrously conflicted about his own attraction. To just put everything on hold, to stop feeling so unsure all the time, so afflicted within himself. It would almost be laughable really, if it wasn't so tragically pathetic, he thought. The fact that within himself, he feels so goddamn guilty, about the way he’s feeling right now, about the way he’s felt for years; yet, from an external viewpoint he knows that this is all irrational. He _knows_ that he’s… okay (or as close to “Okay” as can be, given his current situation). He’s well aware of the fact that he’d never think so harshly of anyone else, never judge anybody this brutally, but still, he couldn’t seem to shake the feeling of unpleasantness - this inconsistent, internalized feeling of….grossness, that seems to be rooted deep within him.

And then there was the fact that he wanted Betty to be happy. More than anything, he treasures what they have. At times Archie could be...oblivious, to say the least. When he had his head up in the clouds, and Jug didn’t quite feel like dragging him back down to Earth just yet, he’d turn to Betty. Hell, she understood better than anyone else just how infuriatingly clueless Archie could be. She was one of the few people Jughead felt as if he could truly open up to, always going out of her way to make sure he was okay. Jug could go to Betty with practically anything. Until now, at least. Although being around Archie again was still new - their relationship still rocky after the events that unfolded the summer prior - one huge perk was hanging out with Betty again. Through no fault of her own, they’d kind of stopped talking after the summer, with Jughead closing himself off completely, and withdrawing himself from the already small group of friends that he had.

When they’d started hanging out again, they fell into familiarity. They became Riverdale’s new _Holmes_ and _Watson_ , constantly snooping around the town, haphazardly trying to piece together all the broken fragments of summer that lay right underneath their noses. For a second, Jughead almost considered telling Betty, about him, about Archie, about everything. About how everything was so new and confusing and how he didn’t quite understand how to feel about it all. That was, until, Jug noticed. Noticed the way her gaze would often linger, the way she’d find any excuse to touch him, whether it be a gentle caress, or just a spur of the moment grab of his hand - just like she did with Archie. He knew it sounded - what? Conceited? Arrogant? Maybe even narcissistic, but he knew Betty. He knew how long she’d pined over Archie, how it’d wrecked her when he turned her down, and didn’t wanna see the same thing happen again. He (although he wasn’t great at showing it) cared about Betty a great deal, and vehemently refused to be the cause of any more despair or bitterness on her part, so he fed into it. Just because he didn’t feel the same way now, didn’t mean he never would, right? He’d joked many times about how if he were to ever date any of the girls from school, Betty would be his first choice, so why now was he so hesitant? He did care for her, but maybe not in the way he should, in the way he _ought_ to. Not now at least, but he just figured that he needed time. Betty and him had so much in common, they’d known each other for years; on paper it made perfect sense. And then there’s the fact that at some point (if they lasted that long) she might want to take things _further_ \- the very thought of which filling him with a unplaceable sense of panic, but he pushed that away. _He was just trying to do the right thing._

Which is why, Jughead was stood in her room - his face just inches from hers, his fists clenching and unclenching as he willed himself forward. So he kisses her. He kisses her and feels this overwhelming sense of disappointment once it dawns upon him that he feels exactly the same; that this didn’t change anything for him. It was clumsy, and slow, and Betty was stood as rigid as a board while Jughead just kind of held their faces together, unsure of what to do next. He shuts his eyes (That’s what people do, right?) and wonders if all of his future relationships are deemed to start this way. With awkward looks and uncoordinated gestures. He’s only ever really kissed somebody once, so he doesn't have much to compare this too, yet even he could say that it was awful, at the very least.

But he keeps on kissing her, more out of frustration than anything. Frustration at himself for the fact that he still felt….off, somehow, at the fact that none of this did anything to quell the flood of uncertainty that he was surely drowning in and at the fact that there was still this _doubt_ that this wouldn't end well for either of them; that he was ruining one of the last good things in his life, right now.


End file.
